How a small decision can turn your life around
Updated: May 11, 2020
I married my best friend. He proposed to me after I returned from a one year hiatus. I left my job of five years job, my college sweetheart and moved to New York City after I had won a scholarship for the New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts (NYCDA). I broke things off with my long-term boyfriend because we were at a standstill. I thought I was ready to be married right out of undergrad...I had a list written out; complete undergrad and marry my college sweetheart. The only problem was that he didn't see it that way. He felt that no man should be married before the age of 28 because of a multitude of reasons that he ultimately might have been right about now that I look back at it. Here I was at 21 years old with too much time on my hands. I was working as a Juvenile Probation Officer, work was over by 3:30pm, bored and lonely I made the decision to go back to school since he was not ready to take our relationship to the next level. At the end of grad school around age 24, he brings me a promise ring. I could remember thinking that 4 years was a long time to wait until he would be ready to marry. He continuously would tell me that he was not financially prepared to take a wife, but I did not hear that. I felt rejected and believed that I was not worthy of his love at times; I tricked myself to believe that marriage was not for me. I wanted it all along, but told myself, that it was for the birds. We began to argue alot because I would berate him thinking that his delaying was him rejecting my love, so we agreed to let the relationship go as we knew it.
They say if you love something let it go and if it returns that it was meant to be.
Soon after, I took this opportunity to complete a summer intensive at the NYCDA and just live a little. I was no longer the off and on again girlfriend, the church worship leader/preacher or single/childless daughter who belonged to a conservative Christian black family. I was now free to be myself and discover the world on my own terms. I loved New York. The city's rhythm was upbeat weekdays and then calm and smooth on the weekend. It was intriguing, and taught me so much about living. I wrapped up work and left to go visit my mother who was visiting my brother in Chicago. He had lost his wife around 4-6 months prior and had just hired a live-in nanny. My mom was up from Texas to vet the nanny who would be looking after my brothers children. I came to see my mommy because I was missing her and a two week visit turned into 8 months. I became a house manager and worked on my music career. I interviewed candidates for the open position that I had in my heart but no one qualified. Just before leaving Chicago, I was invited to attend a seminar with Paul C. Brunson live at Oprah Studios. He was presenting his new book, It's Complicated. It was during the presentation that a light went on which made me reconsider my choice to let go of a good man. Close to the end of my time in Chicago, my brother who never vouches for males looks at me and says, "That is a good man that you are talking crazy to." And he repeated it again, immediately I had tunnel vision and it was like my ears were finally open. At the end of my sabbatical, I took a trip to visit my sister in Atlanta and stayed with her for a couple months, It was in the ATL that I took my heart off the market and decided to go within to find myself. My vacant sign was no longer hanging in the window of my heart; I made the choice to occupy the empty space with self love.
In Atlanta, I began to love on myself and welcomed support from the local church, books and a close girl friend who took time with me. I asked forgiveness for my haughtiness and impatience and asked that God mend my heart back to his. I attempted to reconcile my relationship with my college sweetheart with no expectation to get back together, I just wanted my friend back. Within four months of my return to Texas, I was being pulled in a carriage by a horse named Princess Jasmine who wore shoes with pink glitter on them. We listened to soft rock that warm evening as the carriage came to a slow stop at the water fountain in front of Dallas Baptist Church. I had been throwing coins into the fountain and stopped to turn and walk back to the carriage when I noticed my college sweetheart on his knee, asking for my hand. What?!? I saw stars and glitter before my eyes, "This is it!" He proposed to me. I said yes, and the journey began... there is more to the story but I will stop it here for now. The one small decision to turn down negativity, ask for forgiveness, spend time with myself and grow closer to God brought me to the best decision of my life.
I had to be honest with myself and tell myself that I wanted love and that I wanted to be loved by this man. He was always saying that it was me that he wanted...The timing was not right. He told me later, that he could have never gone to my brother the former NFL player and my dynamic musician and pastor of a father if he had no money and no place for us to live. So in the end, it was him saying, "Give me time to present my best to you."
In the end, I spent time loving myself and allowed God to bring us together at the right time. I have no regrets. We were married at 30 years old. He said that no man should be married before 28. I made the decision to ask for forgiveness, forgive others, trust and let love in and love changed my life.